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Copyright © 2008 Orchard Creative Group, Ltd. Last modified: April 28, 2008, by Blue Artisans Design |
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The Unnatural Squire James Winburn |
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Lust, gender and Roger have never been so fluid. I once dreamed of becoming the most powerful knight in the world. I knew that some day I would scour the countryside in search of adventure. With a kite shield in one hand and a two-handed great sword in the other I would slay dragons as they rose up spitting fire from their musty caves. Black knights that had cowed all other fighters would drop to their knees before me to plead for their lives. Pig-headed demons would challenge the wrath of my blade only to be sliced in two and sent back to their sulfurous pits of hell. These brave deeds would always be for the sake of some beautiful damsel imprisoned in a dark tower. I could close my eyes and see her running to me as I crumbled to the ground from my mortal wounds. Holding me close to her breast, she would cry out, "How could I have been so foolish? You were the one I should have loved all along!" I would then bless her and die contentedly in her lap. Aye, I wanted these things as desperately as any other squire. But then I lost my virginity. * * * I went out and won my first fight to a boy we called Hal the Ear Mite. As soon as the Earl Marshal gave the signal to begin, I struck a pose I'd seen on a tapestry in the Great Hall. Hal stepped back. I struck another pose and he retreated further. I struck pose after pose until I had so overwhelmed Hal that he barely noticed my ornately executed slash to his head. He went down, and I pressed the frayed edge of my wooden sword to his throat, exclaiming, "Know you, Sniveler, that I, Roger Prudhomme, have vanquished you." * * * Roger Prudhomme isn't a very good squire and may very well never be a knight. He loves the ladies and he loves the poses but that's about it. But when Roger is sent on a quest to reclaim his manly honor there's no telling what type of unnatural creatures he may have to face... or become. |
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Available 254 pages * First edition ISBN 978-1-59092-065-7 * SRP $14.99 5.5 x 8.5 trade paperback Cover by Buster Blue Fantasy * Humor |
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